you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
