OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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