if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
