remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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