called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
