I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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