Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
