He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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