it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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