you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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