You smell like stripper and shame
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize