where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
