how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
