super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
No Iām scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize