Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
