sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
