you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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