Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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