Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
