Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
