I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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