Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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