before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
