bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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