matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
