matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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