You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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