just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't think brook has ever known best
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
