Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
