bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
