i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
