I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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