I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
