I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
