I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
