dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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