so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
