someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
