If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Rumble strips road head = magical
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
