She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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