i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
