no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
