you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
