good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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