Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
