His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
