I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want to make out with him forever
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
