don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
