Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
