It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
