We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
