So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
