Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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