i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
