I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i think i just lost a toe
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize