i just identified you from a description of your pipe
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
