We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
