There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
