Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
