I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
