I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
