"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
