I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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