Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I just put wine in my tea
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
