So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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