I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
