I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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