The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
