At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
