last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So squirting runs in the family.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
