My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
