LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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