He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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