Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
